I Fell Down

Trippin out
Spinning around
I'm underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down


I do not believe I will ever be able to rationally explain my attachment to Alice In Wonderland. All things Alice I am obsessed with. I just love the story in general. However certain adaptions (cough anyone seen the recent movie with Johnny Depp? cough), I feel don't do the story justice AT ALL. There is just something about a girl having adventures, being lost, and being extraordinary by being simply ordinary that I have always felt a strong longing for. Ever since I started acting I have known that my ultimate dream in theatre would be to play Alice. Ideally I would LOVE to originate the role on Broadway in a brand new musical...but I'll be realistic. Any chance to play Alice in ANY adaption of the show I would JUMP at. However...I have left this yearning unspoken...until now....although...I'm sure if you know me well enough...you probably already know this... I can honestly not put into words how IN LOVE I am with Alice In Wonderland...as I try to sum up my thoughts and feelings in this post...I find myself at a loss for words that actually make sense when strung together. The details in the story always vary, but the heart of each adaption of this beautiful work is always the same and completely relate-able. Alice's world is turned upside down and she can't control anything in Wonderland and yet...that's the magic of it all...she is so lost and yet...it all makes complete sense.


I'm freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can't stop it now
Can't stop me now, oh oh

As I am nearing the end of my high school career...I feel like Alice...granted...I feel like Alice quite frequently...but these last few months have been true chaos. Now it is all coming to a head, and while I am truly grateful for everything I have in life and have been rejoicing in my many blessings, I have felt for quite sometime that something incredible and life changing is going to happen...soon. Every time I anticipate this "something" I feel God has in store... it usually turns out the opposite way. But as I have learned in my 18 years of life, we are often but in turmoil and despair before we are lifted out, and the success is that much sweeter. Sometimes, I just get impatient waiting for things to turn out right while I feel like I am falling down a rabbit hole.


I found myself in Wonderland
Got back on my feet, again
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I'll take a stand until the end


And yet in everything that has happened lately, not necessarily "good" things have happened as a result, BUT good things happen in SPITE of the awful situations and circumstances. Sometimes I feel God is a spin doctor. And I don't always think He makes "good out of bad", but I KNOW He always uses the situation to shed light onto things we might not otherwise learn.


I,I, I'll get by
I,I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I,I, I won't cry


I found this verse a few weeks ago that I FELL IN LOVE WITH. I honestly think it has spoken the most to me out of any verse I've EVER read.

By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding He set the heavens in place; by His knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. ~ Proverbs 3:19-20

It just reminds me how POWERFUL God is. It helps me put things into prospective. God who created EVERYTHING: the earth, the Heavens, EVERYTHING...that God knows what He's doing. He's not going to let me fall and not come back to Him. I find so much comfort in knowing that, like Alice, the trials and obstacles I face might not make any sense, they might be hard and challenging, and they may cause me heartache and pain, but they will NOT last forever, and they are only small parts in the GRAND scheme of things.