Last night I was looking through some old notebooks when I can across two note cards that each had a Bible verse written on them. I recognized them immediately from when I had made them for tech/show week of High School Musical.
"Whatever your task, put yourselves into it, as done FOR THE LORD and NOT for your masters" -Colossians 3:23
&&
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed." - 2 Corinthians 4:8-9.
Nearly a year ago I had written these verses down to carry them with me through one of the roughest weeks. It's funny because I found them exactly when I needed to read those words.
I take that back. It wasn't funny.
It was God.
[:
p.s. i love fall.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Give Me Pain If That's What's Real, It's the Price We Pay to Feel
i used to write Dear Yous all the time.
for about two years i would pour all my teenage angst out into a worn yellow notebook and lament about my dramatic life.
it has been well over a year and a half since the last Dear You i wrote.
back then it was more about the situation, less about the people i was writing to.
i'm not sure what it is about this moment that makes me want to write some Dear Yous, but i feel very compelled to write anonymously.
i have grown to love people so much and this is the closest i can get to describing the love and passion i have for the human race.
Dear You,
The way you love and the amount of love you have to give astounds me. I know you see it as a curse, but I wish I could love as freely and as nonjudgmental as you do. I just wish you could learn to love yourself as much as you love the Lord and everyone you meet, that you could learn to trust and respect yourself as much as you trust and respect others. Your love is your greatest asset; share it with the world.
Dear You,
I trusted you more than I have ever trusted anyone I've ever met. All I wanted was for someone to care enough to help me. I don't blame you for the way I have turned out, but I regret ever opening up to you. I miss your friendship and compassion, and though I deny it, you have made such a huge impact on me and I truly think you are one of the greatest people I have ever met. Your influence on the way I choose to act and react has turned me into a better person at the cost of our friendship. Even though we are not as close as we used to be, (and I doubt we can ever mend all that has been destroyed), I truly believe that if you focused less on yourself, you could be used to change and save so many lives.
Dear You,
You're scarring me. I am so worried about you and I'm at a loss of what to do. I can't help you unless you let me in. You're suppose to be there for me, but I can't let you help me until you help yourself and let go of whatever has been hurting you for so long. I miss you and want you back.
Dear You,
You are the single best example I have ever met. I don't think I have ever loved a friendship as much as I do ours or looked up to a friend's behavior and attitude as much as I do to you. You are such a beautiful human being inside and out and you have taught me so much by you simply being yourself. Your grace and love for Christ and life carry with you in all that you do. I have never been more convinced of anyone else that I know having a larger impact on the world than you just by living. I am so blessed to have known you and cannot even comprehend when you thank ME for being such an example for YOU. To think that I have had any impact on your life at ALL is an extremely humbling honor. Thank you for being you.
Dear You,
Everyone says you're a tool and I deserve better. But there is still a part of me that clings on to the person I knew for that single week. That is the person you'll always be to me. Even if that person doesn't really exist.
Dear You,
You were the best and worst friend I ever had. I genuinely hope you're happy without me in your life. You deserve to be happy. Even though I resent you, I want you to be happy.
oy.
it's 2:16 AM.
i think i'll go to bed now.
for about two years i would pour all my teenage angst out into a worn yellow notebook and lament about my dramatic life.
it has been well over a year and a half since the last Dear You i wrote.
back then it was more about the situation, less about the people i was writing to.
i'm not sure what it is about this moment that makes me want to write some Dear Yous, but i feel very compelled to write anonymously.
i have grown to love people so much and this is the closest i can get to describing the love and passion i have for the human race.
Dear You,
The way you love and the amount of love you have to give astounds me. I know you see it as a curse, but I wish I could love as freely and as nonjudgmental as you do. I just wish you could learn to love yourself as much as you love the Lord and everyone you meet, that you could learn to trust and respect yourself as much as you trust and respect others. Your love is your greatest asset; share it with the world.
Dear You,
I trusted you more than I have ever trusted anyone I've ever met. All I wanted was for someone to care enough to help me. I don't blame you for the way I have turned out, but I regret ever opening up to you. I miss your friendship and compassion, and though I deny it, you have made such a huge impact on me and I truly think you are one of the greatest people I have ever met. Your influence on the way I choose to act and react has turned me into a better person at the cost of our friendship. Even though we are not as close as we used to be, (and I doubt we can ever mend all that has been destroyed), I truly believe that if you focused less on yourself, you could be used to change and save so many lives.
Dear You,
You're scarring me. I am so worried about you and I'm at a loss of what to do. I can't help you unless you let me in. You're suppose to be there for me, but I can't let you help me until you help yourself and let go of whatever has been hurting you for so long. I miss you and want you back.
Dear You,
You are the single best example I have ever met. I don't think I have ever loved a friendship as much as I do ours or looked up to a friend's behavior and attitude as much as I do to you. You are such a beautiful human being inside and out and you have taught me so much by you simply being yourself. Your grace and love for Christ and life carry with you in all that you do. I have never been more convinced of anyone else that I know having a larger impact on the world than you just by living. I am so blessed to have known you and cannot even comprehend when you thank ME for being such an example for YOU. To think that I have had any impact on your life at ALL is an extremely humbling honor. Thank you for being you.
Dear You,
Everyone says you're a tool and I deserve better. But there is still a part of me that clings on to the person I knew for that single week. That is the person you'll always be to me. Even if that person doesn't really exist.
Dear You,
You were the best and worst friend I ever had. I genuinely hope you're happy without me in your life. You deserve to be happy. Even though I resent you, I want you to be happy.
oy.
it's 2:16 AM.
i think i'll go to bed now.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I Don't Want to be Anything Other Than What I've Been Trying to Be Lately
Today I saw a boy I went to kindergarten with in an Army uniform. He was home after basic training, riding on the same train as me. When did I get old enough that someone who is the SAME AGE AS ME is off joining the ARMY?!?!
It's overwhelming. This growing up thing.
The other day I went through my entire closet and took out anything that was NOT black, white, brown, gray, or blue or had flowers/hearts on it (aside from tshirts and dresses and the like). All my friends got new wardrobes. hahaha. but today I realized that i now have an EXTREMELY small selection of clothing to wear...whoops. I've also dyed my hair super dark and changed my daily "make-up" routine. In addition i wear 2039478023897 bagillzion bracelets on each wrist and am planning on getting 3-5 new piercings soon (ish). All this information seems inconsequential...but the point i am TRYING to make is....I'm growing up and I don't know WHEN THAT HAPPENED. My entire life i've never cared what I wore or how I wore my hair. Now i can't stick to a hairstyle for the LIFE of me and I'm wearing dresses just because I want to.
I'm DRIVING. I freaking live in my car I drive so much. It's ridic. I don't know what's happening.
I think I like it.
Besides community college. Which I don't think I like.
In other news: I'm obsessed with Greys Anatomy.
Wheee.
oh&ilovemyfriiiends[:
&honk!
&life.
but that's old/continuous news!
[:
It's overwhelming. This growing up thing.
The other day I went through my entire closet and took out anything that was NOT black, white, brown, gray, or blue or had flowers/hearts on it (aside from tshirts and dresses and the like). All my friends got new wardrobes. hahaha. but today I realized that i now have an EXTREMELY small selection of clothing to wear...whoops. I've also dyed my hair super dark and changed my daily "make-up" routine. In addition i wear 2039478023897 bagillzion bracelets on each wrist and am planning on getting 3-5 new piercings soon (ish). All this information seems inconsequential...but the point i am TRYING to make is....I'm growing up and I don't know WHEN THAT HAPPENED. My entire life i've never cared what I wore or how I wore my hair. Now i can't stick to a hairstyle for the LIFE of me and I'm wearing dresses just because I want to.
I'm DRIVING. I freaking live in my car I drive so much. It's ridic. I don't know what's happening.
I think I like it.
Besides community college. Which I don't think I like.
In other news: I'm obsessed with Greys Anatomy.
Wheee.
oh&ilovemyfriiiends[:
&honk!
&life.
but that's old/continuous news!
[:
Monday, August 30, 2010
Poultry Tale
Fridays I don't have ANY classes.
This is a wonderful time for me to catch up on life, do laundry, do homework, organize my life, run errands, and apparently audition for CYT shows.
Yes.
I ungraduated.
UNINTENTIONALLY.
Friday came and I was sitting there thinking about Honk! auditions that my friends were going to that night and all of a sudden I was overcome with the urge to audition.
Now...I have a track record with making impulsive decisions regarding shows and the like (Becoming Greenroom...High School Musical...) so I kind of saw this coming and I called up KP asking to talk me out of my impulse. That did not work. So I message Matthew Silar assuming HE would talk me out of it in one way or another. Instead of talking me out of it he laid out my options for me. Upon which I discovered auditioning for Honk! MADE SENSE. So Matt flipped a coin. Honk was tails (tale..poultry tale..haha) and Alice (which I had planned on auditioning for) was heads. But I did not want him to tell me until AFTER I had pray-fully made my decision.
I turned to my Bible and my devo for the day (usually I do my devos at night b/c then I can reflect on the day and it just works better for my mind set) but for some reason I thought it would be good to read at 4:00 in the afternoon. My devo was about giving EVERYTHING to God and letting HIM take over and changing your day in an instant. That's when I knew. I was auditioning for Honk!
Coincidentally, Matt's coin had landed on tails.
Skip to 3am on Saturday. I slept over at KP's and heard her phone go off 10000 times with a text message about call backs being listed. I went to check to see that God had provided. I had been called back for the role that I wanted in addition with two other extremely wonderful parts. An answered prayer. It has been over three years since I have been considered for the part I had been auditioning for and the fact that I had gotten this call back off of a split second decision made me just all the more aware of God's plan and timing.
Call backs came and went and were fun and afterward I was completely at ease (you know minus the super long waiting period...haha) The cast list came up and I have to say I am just so excited and proud of every single person who auditioned. The talent is HUGE in this show and a lot of opportunities have been given to really deserving individuals.
This weekend has been so unlike any audition/call back experience I've ever had and I am just so grateful and thankful and BLESSED. God is SO good. Always. I have learned so much about blindly trusting and relying on HIM and I cannot WAIT to see what He has in store for this show. [:
on a side note I started classes last week and I guess I'm still trying to get used to it. College is SO different from High School and I'm not sure I like it. It's hard because it seems everyone knows SOMEONE because most students have other friends from their high school in their classes or just with similar schedules while I have not seen really anyone I know. But again, I trust God will help me through this and provide as always.
As for my classes themselves, I have some pretty great (embarrassing) stories from my first week of classes hahaha but overall I am most excited for my acting class. I wish I could just take that class every day all day. It's great and I feel I'm going to learn SO MUCH [:
Looking forward to life and getting through this fall, relying on HIM fully. I feel lots of changes and lessons in growing up are headed my way but with God by my side, what have I to fear? :]
This is a wonderful time for me to catch up on life, do laundry, do homework, organize my life, run errands, and apparently audition for CYT shows.
Yes.
I ungraduated.
UNINTENTIONALLY.
Friday came and I was sitting there thinking about Honk! auditions that my friends were going to that night and all of a sudden I was overcome with the urge to audition.
Now...I have a track record with making impulsive decisions regarding shows and the like (Becoming Greenroom...High School Musical...) so I kind of saw this coming and I called up KP asking to talk me out of my impulse. That did not work. So I message Matthew Silar assuming HE would talk me out of it in one way or another. Instead of talking me out of it he laid out my options for me. Upon which I discovered auditioning for Honk! MADE SENSE. So Matt flipped a coin. Honk was tails (tale..poultry tale..haha) and Alice (which I had planned on auditioning for) was heads. But I did not want him to tell me until AFTER I had pray-fully made my decision.
I turned to my Bible and my devo for the day (usually I do my devos at night b/c then I can reflect on the day and it just works better for my mind set) but for some reason I thought it would be good to read at 4:00 in the afternoon. My devo was about giving EVERYTHING to God and letting HIM take over and changing your day in an instant. That's when I knew. I was auditioning for Honk!
Coincidentally, Matt's coin had landed on tails.
Skip to 3am on Saturday. I slept over at KP's and heard her phone go off 10000 times with a text message about call backs being listed. I went to check to see that God had provided. I had been called back for the role that I wanted in addition with two other extremely wonderful parts. An answered prayer. It has been over three years since I have been considered for the part I had been auditioning for and the fact that I had gotten this call back off of a split second decision made me just all the more aware of God's plan and timing.
Call backs came and went and were fun and afterward I was completely at ease (you know minus the super long waiting period...haha) The cast list came up and I have to say I am just so excited and proud of every single person who auditioned. The talent is HUGE in this show and a lot of opportunities have been given to really deserving individuals.
This weekend has been so unlike any audition/call back experience I've ever had and I am just so grateful and thankful and BLESSED. God is SO good. Always. I have learned so much about blindly trusting and relying on HIM and I cannot WAIT to see what He has in store for this show. [:
on a side note I started classes last week and I guess I'm still trying to get used to it. College is SO different from High School and I'm not sure I like it. It's hard because it seems everyone knows SOMEONE because most students have other friends from their high school in their classes or just with similar schedules while I have not seen really anyone I know. But again, I trust God will help me through this and provide as always.
As for my classes themselves, I have some pretty great (embarrassing) stories from my first week of classes hahaha but overall I am most excited for my acting class. I wish I could just take that class every day all day. It's great and I feel I'm going to learn SO MUCH [:
Looking forward to life and getting through this fall, relying on HIM fully. I feel lots of changes and lessons in growing up are headed my way but with God by my side, what have I to fear? :]
Monday, July 19, 2010
Your Hair Was Long When We First Met
Shane West
Aaron Tveit
Ian Somerhalder
Kent Boyd
Jake Epstein
& every canadian in existence.
:]
Friday, July 16, 2010
You Make Me Happy
Day Four: Smile! We want to see your teeth today. Post a self-portrait.
Day Five: share your favorite recipe.
I am an awful cook. I just didn't receive that particular gene. so my "recipe" collection is non existent. HOWEVER i am a PRO smoothie maker. usually i just put whatever we have in our fridge/freezer into a blender. but my fave combo is probably
frozen strawberries
bananas
peaches
lemonade
vanilla yogurt
mmmmm. [:
now i want a smoothie...
Day Five: share your favorite recipe.
I am an awful cook. I just didn't receive that particular gene. so my "recipe" collection is non existent. HOWEVER i am a PRO smoothie maker. usually i just put whatever we have in our fridge/freezer into a blender. but my fave combo is probably
frozen strawberries
bananas
peaches
lemonade
vanilla yogurt
mmmmm. [:
now i want a smoothie...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I feel good, in a special way
yes i know.
i "skipped" yesterday.
whoops. right?
wrong.
i did it intentionally.
because i was suppose to write about everything i did that day...and how would i know if i had to write it at like 7 pm b/c the day would not be done. so today i'll do day 2 AND 3. because that's how i want to play this game.
solid.
DAY TWO: MAKE A BULLETED LIST OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN YOUR DAY.
*woke up
*toke a shower
*scrunched hair
*found every yellow article of clothing in my house
*had a family...argument.
*did not eat breakfast
*drove to crystal lake
*team spirit day at camp
*water day at camp
*ate lunch at the freeze with my mother
*went to mcc to take my math placement test
*dropped andy off at the ortho
*drove home to get my voice music i forgot to bring with me
*went to voice
*practiced my duet with andy for my senior recital
*ate a popsicle in the car
*unloaded groceries
*went to piano lessons
*set my facebook status to "like this status and i'll ..." blah blah blah
*ate dinner. heffers.
*wrote on over 30 facebook walls & had some wonderful chats with various people i do not usually talk to in depth :]
*had a half hour texting conversation with my brother while we were six feet away from eachother. (he initially wished me a nice pee while i was in the bathroom. ahah)
*did my devos/had some time with my Savior.
weee. good day. :]
DAY THREE: SHARE YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE/SONG LYRIC.
imma do both.
cause i'm an overachiever.
:]
quote: John 3:30- He must become greater; i must become less.
song lyrics:
Lift Me Up- Kate Voegele
This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up, to pack up and leave town
Even so, I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me, yeah
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Somewhere, every body starts there
I'm counting on a small prayer,
Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here, and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears
Everything worth having, oh
Comes with trials worth withstanding
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
Oh, Lift me up
Down and out is overrated
And I need to be elevated
Looking up is not enough
No, I would rather rise above
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, oh, oh, just begun
Lift me up, yeah, oh, oh, oh, yeah, now
Oh, oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
-------------
Life is such a blessing.
i love it. :]
i "skipped" yesterday.
whoops. right?
wrong.
i did it intentionally.
because i was suppose to write about everything i did that day...and how would i know if i had to write it at like 7 pm b/c the day would not be done. so today i'll do day 2 AND 3. because that's how i want to play this game.
solid.
DAY TWO: MAKE A BULLETED LIST OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN YOUR DAY.
*woke up
*toke a shower
*scrunched hair
*found every yellow article of clothing in my house
*had a family...argument.
*did not eat breakfast
*drove to crystal lake
*team spirit day at camp
*water day at camp
*ate lunch at the freeze with my mother
*went to mcc to take my math placement test
*dropped andy off at the ortho
*drove home to get my voice music i forgot to bring with me
*went to voice
*practiced my duet with andy for my senior recital
*ate a popsicle in the car
*unloaded groceries
*went to piano lessons
*set my facebook status to "like this status and i'll ..." blah blah blah
*ate dinner. heffers.
*wrote on over 30 facebook walls & had some wonderful chats with various people i do not usually talk to in depth :]
*had a half hour texting conversation with my brother while we were six feet away from eachother. (he initially wished me a nice pee while i was in the bathroom. ahah)
*did my devos/had some time with my Savior.
weee. good day. :]
DAY THREE: SHARE YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE/SONG LYRIC.
imma do both.
cause i'm an overachiever.
:]
quote: John 3:30- He must become greater; i must become less.
song lyrics:
Lift Me Up- Kate Voegele
This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up, to pack up and leave town
Even so, I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me, yeah
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Somewhere, every body starts there
I'm counting on a small prayer,
Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here, and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears
Everything worth having, oh
Comes with trials worth withstanding
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
Oh, Lift me up
Down and out is overrated
And I need to be elevated
Looking up is not enough
No, I would rather rise above
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, oh, oh, just begun
Lift me up, yeah, oh, oh, oh, yeah, now
Oh, oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
-------------
Life is such a blessing.
i love it. :]
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Just One More Try For Something New
i like blogging.
i really do.
i wish i had more time/er...motivation...er..patience...
to do more of it/less huge "this is what is happening in my life" posts and more "daily light topic weee" posts.
sooooo...
imma try this 30 day challenge business in hopes of improving my "daily light topic weee" writing. & sometimes i might post something that is NOT related to the day's challenge. :]
Day One: Current photo of yourself & 15 facts
Day Two: Make a bulleted list of everything that happened in your day.
Day Three: Share your favorite quote/song lyric.
Day Four: Smile! We want to see your teeth today. Post a self-portrait.
Day Five: Share your favorite recipe.
Day Six: Time to face morph: Pick one of the categories.
Day Seven: Provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes.
Day Eight: Create a bucket list, whether or not your aspirations or rational.
Day Nine: Describe your food consumption today.
Day Ten: Share one of your current favorite tunes.
Day Eleven: A picture of you and your friends
Day Twelve: Set a goal.
Day Thirteen: A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Day Fourteen: Post a Youtube video that makes you laugh/inspires you.
Day Fifteen: A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day Sixteen: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
Day Seventeen: Something you’re proud of in the past few days.
Day Eighteen: Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play.
Day Nineteen: Plans/dreams/goals you have.
Day twenty: Nicknames you have; why do you have them.
Day twentyone: A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day Twentytwo: Something you crave for a lot.
Day Twentythree: A letter to your parents.
Day Twentyfour: What's in your bag?
Day Twentyfive: A picture of you last year, how have you changed since then?
Day Twentysix: Best concert you've been to.
Day Twentyseven: An important lesson you've learned this year.
Day Twentyeight: A picture of somewhere you'd love to go.
Day Twentynine: Short term goals for this month and why.
Day Thirty: In this past month, what have you learned?
DAY ONE:
1.i am proud to say i have never eaten a taco at tacobell.
2.recently i have started wearing multiple bracelets on each wrist.
3.very few people know this, but i love to draw (along with other artsy mediums).
4.once i won a Halloween costume contest. i was a gumball machine.
5.i like pickles.
6.when i was in kindergarten, i thought pregnancy was a disease.
7.this summer i went to Daytona Beach and it's safe to say it changed my life completely.
8.i'd really like to go to prom once in my lifetime.
9.i had a turtle for exactly 364 days. he died the day before my 16th birthday.
10.when i was three i would line up my stuffed animals on the stairs and sing "so long farewell" from the sound of music every night before i went to bed. i was always gretel.
11.exactly a week ago today i got my first ever devo book and i lovelovelovelove reading it and writing in it daily.
12.i had my first coca cola and pepsi both after the age of 16. i do not particularly like either beverage...but if i had to choose, i would pick pepsi.
13. i was never allergic to anything my entire life up until the past two years where i have developed latex, melon (cantalope, honey dew, and water...melon), onion & mild animal and outdoors allergies.
14.i LOVE holding hands with ANYONE at all.
15. i chipped my front tooth while seeing kane county's beauty and the beast.
i really do.
i wish i had more time/er...motivation...er..patience...
to do more of it/less huge "this is what is happening in my life" posts and more "daily light topic weee" posts.
sooooo...
imma try this 30 day challenge business in hopes of improving my "daily light topic weee" writing. & sometimes i might post something that is NOT related to the day's challenge. :]
Day One: Current photo of yourself & 15 facts
Day Two: Make a bulleted list of everything that happened in your day.
Day Three: Share your favorite quote/song lyric.
Day Four: Smile! We want to see your teeth today. Post a self-portrait.
Day Five: Share your favorite recipe.
Day Six: Time to face morph: Pick one of the categories.
Day Seven: Provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes.
Day Eight: Create a bucket list, whether or not your aspirations or rational.
Day Nine: Describe your food consumption today.
Day Ten: Share one of your current favorite tunes.
Day Eleven: A picture of you and your friends
Day Twelve: Set a goal.
Day Thirteen: A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Day Fourteen: Post a Youtube video that makes you laugh/inspires you.
Day Fifteen: A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day Sixteen: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
Day Seventeen: Something you’re proud of in the past few days.
Day Eighteen: Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play.
Day Nineteen: Plans/dreams/goals you have.
Day twenty: Nicknames you have; why do you have them.
Day twentyone: A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day Twentytwo: Something you crave for a lot.
Day Twentythree: A letter to your parents.
Day Twentyfour: What's in your bag?
Day Twentyfive: A picture of you last year, how have you changed since then?
Day Twentysix: Best concert you've been to.
Day Twentyseven: An important lesson you've learned this year.
Day Twentyeight: A picture of somewhere you'd love to go.
Day Twentynine: Short term goals for this month and why.
Day Thirty: In this past month, what have you learned?
DAY ONE:
1.i am proud to say i have never eaten a taco at tacobell.
2.recently i have started wearing multiple bracelets on each wrist.
3.very few people know this, but i love to draw (along with other artsy mediums).
4.once i won a Halloween costume contest. i was a gumball machine.
5.i like pickles.
6.when i was in kindergarten, i thought pregnancy was a disease.
7.this summer i went to Daytona Beach and it's safe to say it changed my life completely.
8.i'd really like to go to prom once in my lifetime.
9.i had a turtle for exactly 364 days. he died the day before my 16th birthday.
10.when i was three i would line up my stuffed animals on the stairs and sing "so long farewell" from the sound of music every night before i went to bed. i was always gretel.
11.exactly a week ago today i got my first ever devo book and i lovelovelovelove reading it and writing in it daily.
12.i had my first coca cola and pepsi both after the age of 16. i do not particularly like either beverage...but if i had to choose, i would pick pepsi.
13. i was never allergic to anything my entire life up until the past two years where i have developed latex, melon (cantalope, honey dew, and water...melon), onion & mild animal and outdoors allergies.
14.i LOVE holding hands with ANYONE at all.
15. i chipped my front tooth while seeing kane county's beauty and the beast.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
For You
For You
Only here for a short time
This world is longer than this life of mine
Who will remember me and what will I leave behind?
Will I leave a mark on this world or will it leave its mark on me?
Live not of;
Live for You.
I wanna see; not just look
Feel; not just touch
Listen; not just hear
I want to love You so much
That others will learn to follow in Your Name
I’m gonna lift up Your praise.
Nothing can separate me but my own misguided heart
I want to be more than just a face;
I want to lead a life that is worthy of representing Your saving grace.
I will:
Live not of;
but
Live for You.
I wanna see; not just look
Feel; not just touch
Listen; not just hear
I want to love You so much
That others will learn to follow in Your Name
I’m gonna lift up Your praise.
All of You is more than I deserve.
My heart made by You is destroyed by my own sinful nerve.
Help me to see; not just look
Feel; not just touch
Listen; not just hear
Help me to love You so much
That others will learn to follow in Your Name
I’m gonna lift up Your praise.
I’m gonna live my life
for You.
so much has been going on this summer.
one day i'll write about it (not that anyone reads this anyway haha whoops).
but for now, the song above will suffice. :]
God is good.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I Fell Down
Trippin out
Spinning around
I'm underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down
I do not believe I will ever be able to rationally explain my attachment to Alice In Wonderland. All things Alice I am obsessed with. I just love the story in general. However certain adaptions (cough anyone seen the recent movie with Johnny Depp? cough), I feel don't do the story justice AT ALL. There is just something about a girl having adventures, being lost, and being extraordinary by being simply ordinary that I have always felt a strong longing for. Ever since I started acting I have known that my ultimate dream in theatre would be to play Alice. Ideally I would LOVE to originate the role on Broadway in a brand new musical...but I'll be realistic. Any chance to play Alice in ANY adaption of the show I would JUMP at. However...I have left this yearning unspoken...until now....although...I'm sure if you know me well enough...you probably already know this... I can honestly not put into words how IN LOVE I am with Alice In Wonderland...as I try to sum up my thoughts and feelings in this post...I find myself at a loss for words that actually make sense when strung together. The details in the story always vary, but the heart of each adaption of this beautiful work is always the same and completely relate-able. Alice's world is turned upside down and she can't control anything in Wonderland and yet...that's the magic of it all...she is so lost and yet...it all makes complete sense.
I'm freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can't stop it now
Can't stop me now, oh oh
As I am nearing the end of my high school career...I feel like Alice...granted...I feel like Alice quite frequently...but these last few months have been true chaos. Now it is all coming to a head, and while I am truly grateful for everything I have in life and have been rejoicing in my many blessings, I have felt for quite sometime that something incredible and life changing is going to happen...soon. Every time I anticipate this "something" I feel God has in store... it usually turns out the opposite way. But as I have learned in my 18 years of life, we are often but in turmoil and despair before we are lifted out, and the success is that much sweeter. Sometimes, I just get impatient waiting for things to turn out right while I feel like I am falling down a rabbit hole.
I found myself in Wonderland
Got back on my feet, again
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I'll take a stand until the end
And yet in everything that has happened lately, not necessarily "good" things have happened as a result, BUT good things happen in SPITE of the awful situations and circumstances. Sometimes I feel God is a spin doctor. And I don't always think He makes "good out of bad", but I KNOW He always uses the situation to shed light onto things we might not otherwise learn.
I,I, I'll get by
I,I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I,I, I won't cry
I found this verse a few weeks ago that I FELL IN LOVE WITH. I honestly think it has spoken the most to me out of any verse I've EVER read.
By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding He set the heavens in place; by His knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. ~ Proverbs 3:19-20
It just reminds me how POWERFUL God is. It helps me put things into prospective. God who created EVERYTHING: the earth, the Heavens, EVERYTHING...that God knows what He's doing. He's not going to let me fall and not come back to Him. I find so much comfort in knowing that, like Alice, the trials and obstacles I face might not make any sense, they might be hard and challenging, and they may cause me heartache and pain, but they will NOT last forever, and they are only small parts in the GRAND scheme of things.
Spinning around
I'm underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down
I do not believe I will ever be able to rationally explain my attachment to Alice In Wonderland. All things Alice I am obsessed with. I just love the story in general. However certain adaptions (cough anyone seen the recent movie with Johnny Depp? cough), I feel don't do the story justice AT ALL. There is just something about a girl having adventures, being lost, and being extraordinary by being simply ordinary that I have always felt a strong longing for. Ever since I started acting I have known that my ultimate dream in theatre would be to play Alice. Ideally I would LOVE to originate the role on Broadway in a brand new musical...but I'll be realistic. Any chance to play Alice in ANY adaption of the show I would JUMP at. However...I have left this yearning unspoken...until now....although...I'm sure if you know me well enough...you probably already know this... I can honestly not put into words how IN LOVE I am with Alice In Wonderland...as I try to sum up my thoughts and feelings in this post...I find myself at a loss for words that actually make sense when strung together. The details in the story always vary, but the heart of each adaption of this beautiful work is always the same and completely relate-able. Alice's world is turned upside down and she can't control anything in Wonderland and yet...that's the magic of it all...she is so lost and yet...it all makes complete sense.
I'm freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can't stop it now
Can't stop me now, oh oh
As I am nearing the end of my high school career...I feel like Alice...granted...I feel like Alice quite frequently...but these last few months have been true chaos. Now it is all coming to a head, and while I am truly grateful for everything I have in life and have been rejoicing in my many blessings, I have felt for quite sometime that something incredible and life changing is going to happen...soon. Every time I anticipate this "something" I feel God has in store... it usually turns out the opposite way. But as I have learned in my 18 years of life, we are often but in turmoil and despair before we are lifted out, and the success is that much sweeter. Sometimes, I just get impatient waiting for things to turn out right while I feel like I am falling down a rabbit hole.
I found myself in Wonderland
Got back on my feet, again
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I'll take a stand until the end
And yet in everything that has happened lately, not necessarily "good" things have happened as a result, BUT good things happen in SPITE of the awful situations and circumstances. Sometimes I feel God is a spin doctor. And I don't always think He makes "good out of bad", but I KNOW He always uses the situation to shed light onto things we might not otherwise learn.
I,I, I'll get by
I,I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I,I, I won't cry
I found this verse a few weeks ago that I FELL IN LOVE WITH. I honestly think it has spoken the most to me out of any verse I've EVER read.
By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding He set the heavens in place; by His knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. ~ Proverbs 3:19-20
It just reminds me how POWERFUL God is. It helps me put things into prospective. God who created EVERYTHING: the earth, the Heavens, EVERYTHING...that God knows what He's doing. He's not going to let me fall and not come back to Him. I find so much comfort in knowing that, like Alice, the trials and obstacles I face might not make any sense, they might be hard and challenging, and they may cause me heartache and pain, but they will NOT last forever, and they are only small parts in the GRAND scheme of things.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Winter Snow
Could've come like a mighty storm
With all the strength of a hurricane
You could've come like a forest fire
With the power of heaven in Your flame
But You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below
You could've swept in like a tidal wave
Or an ocean to ravish our hearts
You could have come through like a roaring flood
To wipe away the things we've scarred
But You came like a winter snow
(Yes, You did)
You were quiet
You were soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below
Oh, no, Your voice wasn't in a bush burning
No, Your voice wasn't in a rushing wind
It was still
It was small
It was hidden
You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below
Falling
(Oh, yeah)
To the earth below
You came falling
From the sky in the night
To the earth below
--Audrey Assad
It is the first day of spring and it is snowing.
While most of the people experiencing this are very upset, I find it awe inspiring. I always love snow and I find it to be one of those ordinary miracles.
Today is also Les Mis call backs. As soon as I heard about the call back list and saw the snow outside, it reminded me of the song above. God can do SO MANY THINGS in HUGE WAYS. but usually, the biggest things He does are in very small, quiet, slow ways. Like snow.
The snow this morning was a wonderful reminder of God's love, power, knowledge, and might. I give my everything to Him.
With all the strength of a hurricane
You could've come like a forest fire
With the power of heaven in Your flame
But You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below
You could've swept in like a tidal wave
Or an ocean to ravish our hearts
You could have come through like a roaring flood
To wipe away the things we've scarred
But You came like a winter snow
(Yes, You did)
You were quiet
You were soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below
Oh, no, Your voice wasn't in a bush burning
No, Your voice wasn't in a rushing wind
It was still
It was small
It was hidden
You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below
Falling
(Oh, yeah)
To the earth below
You came falling
From the sky in the night
To the earth below
--Audrey Assad
It is the first day of spring and it is snowing.
While most of the people experiencing this are very upset, I find it awe inspiring. I always love snow and I find it to be one of those ordinary miracles.
Today is also Les Mis call backs. As soon as I heard about the call back list and saw the snow outside, it reminded me of the song above. God can do SO MANY THINGS in HUGE WAYS. but usually, the biggest things He does are in very small, quiet, slow ways. Like snow.
The snow this morning was a wonderful reminder of God's love, power, knowledge, and might. I give my everything to Him.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
It Seems So Exceptional
oy.
this past month and a half has been craaaazy both in the best and the worst ways.
college auditions: 6 down 7 to gooo.
1 and a half rejections so far. eep. i'm going insane out of my skiiin. i've had some rockin experiences. that's the one thing i've taken away from all of the planing, stressing, singing, monologue-ing, dancing, talking, praying, and traveling; wonderful experiences. and a tooon of cherished time with my parents, both Godly and human...ly. i've done a lot of car and train riding and i've really enjoyed the memories i've had. from the Jonathan Stevens to our unfortunate dining at Delaney's Family Restaurant (worst dinner experience...ever), to the people I've met, to the dances I've learned...I've learned SO MUCH about theatre, schools, people, my parents, and myself. no matter what ends up happening or where i end up going...i'm going to take so much away from these experiences and they've given me a new appreciation for my parents who do so much for me.
CYT: 11 years gone, 2 and a half months to goooo.
it's scary to think my time with CYT is almost up. I'm excited for my future...and yet...CYT has been such a HUGE part of my life for ELEVEN YEARS that it's going to be weird to graduate....I still can't grasp that my last audition is THIS FRIDAY! holy bagpipes. (reference explained in "music" section). speaking of CYT...Cinderella closed. talk about unexpected blessings! what a wonderful experience. i can not say enough how thankful i am for being apart of such a fun and memorable show. also, the opportunity i had to aide a wizard of oz class was...life changing. how clique? but seriously, those kids TOTALLY impacted me and i'd REEEALLY like to get involved with directing sometime in the near future.
Music:
i got a guitar for Christmas. i'm teaching myself to play. while in the process...i am becoming a muuuuch better piano player. i understand chording now and i loooooooooove piano. it only took 10 years to fall inlove i guess...? haha. typical. i also have taken a break from listening to musicals for the most part. i reeeally am liking getting into new types of music. current favorites: He Is We, Regina Spektor, and....Lady GaGa. I don't care what anyone says...I admire her SO MUCH and i think she is BRILLIANT. as is Regina Spektor...so much talent. i also plan on marrying a man who plays the bagpipes. just saying. i'm very excited to what God has in store for me and music in the near future...:]
Hope:
my 12 year old next door neighbor beat us all and went Home with the Lord last Wednesday. while i am relieved she is no longer in pain...it has been a trial for me this past week. my heart breaks for her family and everyone that knew her. she truly was an inspiration and continues to be. i'm so proud of who she was, and saddened by who she will never become. she has left such a huge mark on everyone who knew her. i can only cling to the fact that God has her now, and i will see her again one day and we will sing together. through her life, i have seen God work sooo many miracles..ordinary and extraordinary. the fact that He placed her in the family he did (she was adopted as a baby from Korea), and impacted the people she did, give me HOPE and STRENGTH, and JOY. it was with that in mind (and much help from the Lord Almighty), that i had the strength and courage to sing at her life celebration service on Sunday. it was one of the hardest most honoring and humbling things i've ever had to do. and yet, I celebrate that she has LIVED and her beautiful spirit will continue to spread after her life on Earth. I miss you Hopie and love you SO much. I cannot wait for the day I see you again. Thank you for being the little sister I never had. <3
Friends:
on a related note...i love friends. and people. and relationships. recently i've been becoming friends with people i never expected to be friends with..and it excites me SO much. also the friendships God is weaving back INTO my life are miraculous too...He NEVER ceases to amaze me. :]
Life:
i've always said random things happen to me...and it's SO true. i honestly feel like the life i've lived is something out of a teen drama...heck it's as if you combined One Tree Hill, Degrassi, AND Laguna Beach into a one hour episode every week...that would only sum up HALF of my life experiences. sometimes i want to punch a wall....but I am so incredibly thankful for the blessing of the new lifestyle i have been leading lately and through God's mercy...i have a new out look on...everything. i looooove optimism! :]
all in all, God is good. life is sad and yet it is honestly SO exceptional...that things just WORK OUT AFTER ALL.
i truly believe miracles happen every second of every day. we just have to constantly be on the look out for them. <3
"the sun comes up and shines so bright; and disappears again at night; it's just another ordinary miracle today" -- Ordinary Miracle ~ Sarah McLachlan
this past month and a half has been craaaazy both in the best and the worst ways.
college auditions: 6 down 7 to gooo.
1 and a half rejections so far. eep. i'm going insane out of my skiiin. i've had some rockin experiences. that's the one thing i've taken away from all of the planing, stressing, singing, monologue-ing, dancing, talking, praying, and traveling; wonderful experiences. and a tooon of cherished time with my parents, both Godly and human...ly. i've done a lot of car and train riding and i've really enjoyed the memories i've had. from the Jonathan Stevens to our unfortunate dining at Delaney's Family Restaurant (worst dinner experience...ever), to the people I've met, to the dances I've learned...I've learned SO MUCH about theatre, schools, people, my parents, and myself. no matter what ends up happening or where i end up going...i'm going to take so much away from these experiences and they've given me a new appreciation for my parents who do so much for me.
CYT: 11 years gone, 2 and a half months to goooo.
it's scary to think my time with CYT is almost up. I'm excited for my future...and yet...CYT has been such a HUGE part of my life for ELEVEN YEARS that it's going to be weird to graduate....I still can't grasp that my last audition is THIS FRIDAY! holy bagpipes. (reference explained in "music" section). speaking of CYT...Cinderella closed. talk about unexpected blessings! what a wonderful experience. i can not say enough how thankful i am for being apart of such a fun and memorable show. also, the opportunity i had to aide a wizard of oz class was...life changing. how clique? but seriously, those kids TOTALLY impacted me and i'd REEEALLY like to get involved with directing sometime in the near future.
Music:
i got a guitar for Christmas. i'm teaching myself to play. while in the process...i am becoming a muuuuch better piano player. i understand chording now and i loooooooooove piano. it only took 10 years to fall inlove i guess...? haha. typical. i also have taken a break from listening to musicals for the most part. i reeeally am liking getting into new types of music. current favorites: He Is We, Regina Spektor, and....Lady GaGa. I don't care what anyone says...I admire her SO MUCH and i think she is BRILLIANT. as is Regina Spektor...so much talent. i also plan on marrying a man who plays the bagpipes. just saying. i'm very excited to what God has in store for me and music in the near future...:]
Hope:
my 12 year old next door neighbor beat us all and went Home with the Lord last Wednesday. while i am relieved she is no longer in pain...it has been a trial for me this past week. my heart breaks for her family and everyone that knew her. she truly was an inspiration and continues to be. i'm so proud of who she was, and saddened by who she will never become. she has left such a huge mark on everyone who knew her. i can only cling to the fact that God has her now, and i will see her again one day and we will sing together. through her life, i have seen God work sooo many miracles..ordinary and extraordinary. the fact that He placed her in the family he did (she was adopted as a baby from Korea), and impacted the people she did, give me HOPE and STRENGTH, and JOY. it was with that in mind (and much help from the Lord Almighty), that i had the strength and courage to sing at her life celebration service on Sunday. it was one of the hardest most honoring and humbling things i've ever had to do. and yet, I celebrate that she has LIVED and her beautiful spirit will continue to spread after her life on Earth. I miss you Hopie and love you SO much. I cannot wait for the day I see you again. Thank you for being the little sister I never had. <3
Friends:
on a related note...i love friends. and people. and relationships. recently i've been becoming friends with people i never expected to be friends with..and it excites me SO much. also the friendships God is weaving back INTO my life are miraculous too...He NEVER ceases to amaze me. :]
Life:
i've always said random things happen to me...and it's SO true. i honestly feel like the life i've lived is something out of a teen drama...heck it's as if you combined One Tree Hill, Degrassi, AND Laguna Beach into a one hour episode every week...that would only sum up HALF of my life experiences. sometimes i want to punch a wall....but I am so incredibly thankful for the blessing of the new lifestyle i have been leading lately and through God's mercy...i have a new out look on...everything. i looooove optimism! :]
all in all, God is good. life is sad and yet it is honestly SO exceptional...that things just WORK OUT AFTER ALL.
i truly believe miracles happen every second of every day. we just have to constantly be on the look out for them. <3
"the sun comes up and shines so bright; and disappears again at night; it's just another ordinary miracle today" -- Ordinary Miracle ~ Sarah McLachlan
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
24601
Who am I?
I am Jane Layoff who is starting her first blog post! :]
I racked my brain for a song title/lyric that was not A) from a musical or B) a complete cliche.
In the end I decided that I'd rather relate to a musical than a cliche, hence the lyric i chose.
Who am I?
I am not a convict. (Though the title may trick you into believing so).
I am a daughter of God.
I am a friend.
I am a performer.
I am a dreamer.
I am a (new) optimist.
I am a huge procrastinator.
I am a sister.
I am a believer.
I am an awful speller.
I am a ham.
I love to sing.
I love colors.
I love pictures.
I love pasta.
I love Disney.
I love children.
I love musical theatre.
I love tetris.
I love smoothies.
I am obsessed with Princesses.
I have found a new love of dresses.
I cannot snort to save my life.
I am teaching myself to play guitar.
I use T9 to spell check my life.
I will title every blog after a song title or lyric that displays where I am in that moment in my life.
I know I will never understand how people can feel so attached to professional sports teams.
I think web cams are an ingenious invention.
I think Canadian men are more attractive than men from the U.S.
I believe in silver linings.
I believe in forgiveness.
I believe in conquering my fears.
I believe that people can change in a day.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
I believe in soul mates and kindred spirits.
I know I've made mistakes but...
I believe in living life with no regrets.
I believe that every life is valuable and important.
I am comfortable with who I am...
I know I'm no where near perfect, nor will I ever be, BUT...
I strive to improve myself, always see goodness and truth, and follow my Savior in everything I do.
I am Jane Layoff who is starting her first blog post! :]
I racked my brain for a song title/lyric that was not A) from a musical or B) a complete cliche.
In the end I decided that I'd rather relate to a musical than a cliche, hence the lyric i chose.
Who am I?
I am not a convict. (Though the title may trick you into believing so).
I am a daughter of God.
I am a friend.
I am a performer.
I am a dreamer.
I am a (new) optimist.
I am a huge procrastinator.
I am a sister.
I am a believer.
I am an awful speller.
I am a ham.
I love to sing.
I love colors.
I love pictures.
I love pasta.
I love Disney.
I love children.
I love musical theatre.
I love tetris.
I love smoothies.
I am obsessed with Princesses.
I have found a new love of dresses.
I cannot snort to save my life.
I am teaching myself to play guitar.
I use T9 to spell check my life.
I will title every blog after a song title or lyric that displays where I am in that moment in my life.
I know I will never understand how people can feel so attached to professional sports teams.
I think web cams are an ingenious invention.
I think Canadian men are more attractive than men from the U.S.
I believe in silver linings.
I believe in forgiveness.
I believe in conquering my fears.
I believe that people can change in a day.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
I believe in soul mates and kindred spirits.
I know I've made mistakes but...
I believe in living life with no regrets.
I believe that every life is valuable and important.
I am comfortable with who I am...
I know I'm no where near perfect, nor will I ever be, BUT...
I strive to improve myself, always see goodness and truth, and follow my Savior in everything I do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
